Sunday, January 29, 2012

my puzzle is shattered

While I was pregnant I seemed like a puzzle box. "put together, in its place, ready to be opened"

The moment IzzyJane left this world
is the moment the box opened and the pieces came crumbling out.
I feel like the box got thrown away and I have no way of putting the pieces together

Starting with the edges always seems like the best way to start.

those things consisted of being with my close family friends;
going on trips
getting released from church callings
crying crying and more crying
starting the foundation
doing the festival of tree

no matter what i do to put these peices back together it'll never be complete
no matter what i do to i'll never be complete
a piece is gone...gone from this world forever
a piece I will not forget, nor the PAIN that came from that peice.

somedays i feel like the puzzle gets all scrambled up again, like someone came and messed it all up.

somedays i feel like puzzel is done...but that last peice is missing

no matter what i'll never be complete i have a huge hole in my heart, in my life.

danny and I go places and it seems so weird to walk in and not have our baby
it's like no one knows.... they still see that package "put together, in its place"

Life is a puzzle, and we are all have peices that we try to put back together.
It's hard, tricky, frustrating and all together not very fun!

This is my puzzle,
 I'm growing stronger and stronger the longer I go without IzzyJane. 

I love you my daughter, my light, and as always 
a piece of my heart is with you! 


Lauren said...

I love your words because I too often feel like I should have a baby in my arms and I hate that other people don't know that I just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy because my arms are empty and yes it is a puzzle working on finding the missing pieces and putting them in the right place. Izzyjane is a beautiful baby girl and you are a beautiful loving mother! Your words have helped me feel a little bit more normal and not so alone in all of this. :)

Meagan Jensen said...

This is so what I needed to hear today on the 2 year birth/death day of my little angel Lauren. Thank you for putting into words the pain that only a few of us will every truly understand. I don't know you but I love you. Your words have kept me strong quite a few times now.

Meagan J. (from Las Vegas)

Mama Bear said...

Sending hugs!

Nicole said...

I have felt, and sometimes still feel that same a puzzle missing a piece. You said this beautifully.

After we lost Caroline, it was agonizingly painful for people to just not know about her, because we had no baby in our arms. It was almost like I just wanted to wear a shirt that said, "I have a daughter, her name is Caroline!"

Sending warm hugs!

Paula said...

Exactly, it is like we are walking around with a missing piece to our puzzle.

Love to you, moving forward is oh so much harder than I expected.