its getting easier to live but its also getting harder.
easier in the fact that I'm getting used to the idea that my izzyjane is not here
easier that my body is no longer healing form giving birth
easier that i am alive and that I'm doing alot of things to live and love
easier that i am keeping her spirit alive
easier that i know she is proud of me
harder to know that she will always be gone
harder that my body isn't pregnant 5 months later! :(
harder that the holidays are coming. I have always been a scrooge when it comes to Christmas, Izzy was supposed to make it easier for me, and now its that much harder. I want Christmas to go away, i don't want to even see baby Jesus, or Marys belly. I have such a hard time seeing newborn, its like pepper spray is being sprayed in my eyes every time I have to see one. That's dramatic i know, but that's how it seems.
my eyes cry and cry and the sting in my heart doesn't leave.
Halloween was tough. I had planned alot of fun activities cause I love Halloween. Then I was all dressed up with my family to go trick er treating and the first house we went they serve hot fresh donuts and there was like 5 baby's in there cute little outfits. i broke down right then and there.
I seriously can't imagine how Christmas is going to be.
i am trying to make the best out of it though.
We did a festival of tree in honor of Izzy and other moms that have to go through this. it turned out beautiful!
We are going our first fundraiser this Friday at the J. Brooks Jewelery designer show. It should be amazing!
I am excited to see all the support that will be there! I hope I can feel IzzyJanes spirit close to me!
We are going away for a week to a beautiful sandy ocean! That will be amazing!