The box

I wrote this poem in the middle of the night 2 months ago and haven't shared it.
But now I know why....


To be opened
did it have to be closed?
did its releasing open up the box
for the opening must have known all
that would be soaked up while being exposed.
bare, seen, clean, only to be
scratched beaten scared
but again to open
we must have known all these things
a box
how much can one hold,
when is enough
what is too much
how heavy can it get
can it close back up?
 our hearts bodies and minds
when we were forced on this earth
we must have known that we would open
open our box and it would be filled
it would hold
it would close back up
and to be taken up
back to our creator.
but how why
can i do this
i don't know if my box can hold any more
i've gone through my parents divorce,
my dad dying in an explosion burning 99% of his body
and
My daughter dying inside me, before i got to see her beautiful blue eyes.
but
maybe my box is bigger
it might have been torn
it might have holes,
it might be more than i can carry
but
i know who can close it up and carry my box
2 powerful men
my husband who is my rock
and
my God who is my salvation
I am stronger
I am alive
I am compassionate
I am loving
I am me

I AM PREGNANT.....

IzzyJane is sending us her baby.... Brother 

I release these blue balloons

I want to release the fear

Release the thoughts of wanting another girl

not to replace IzzyJane but to fill in the hole. 

release those thoughts...

It's easier typing and saying these words

Baby boy we are excited for you to come into this world. 

Please come to us safe and sound in October!  

We need some joy in our world, we need your spirit here to smile and to laugh with!

We love you already so much! 

Your the size of an avocado and i can already feel you moving inside me!